14 silly cursed weapons to troll your players with

May 15, 2019
Items
Silly

So I wanted to create some cursed items that can add fun to a campaign without derailing the entire plot. Thus, I've come up with a bunch of silly cursed magical weapons to surprise your players with. Here's 14 of them.

Also I've rated the curse strength from Minor to Deadly depending on how disruptive the curse can be to the player(s) vs how useful the item is. There are no deadly curses in this lot though.

Curse Categories

Minor – Has a very small or limited effect on the victim; benefits may outweigh the consequences

Moderate – Has a moderately debilitating effect on the victim; benefits still sometimes outweigh the consequences

Strong – Heavily affects a character’s ability to function normally; consequences outweigh the benefits

Deadly – Potentially lethal or extremely disruptive; consequences greatly outweigh the benefits (if any)

1. Clayless

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: The item appears to be (and has the stats of) a regular +1 longsword except it has a longer handle and the word “Claymore” inscribed along the flat of the blade. It is sentient but does not speak. Anyone holding it can feel whether it is pleased or displeased with their actions.

Curse Trigger: If the user does not wield it two-handed or refuses to call it a Claymore. The curse stops taking effect while the user wields it “appropriately”

Curse Effect: Instead of its +1, it gives -2 to attack rolls and damage with it. "Remove Curse" won't remove this effect, but the item can be dropped normally.

2. Chameleon Kama

Curse Level: Strong

Item Description: The item appears to be a +1 or +2 kama (DM’s choice) and works as expected until the curse triggers

Curse Trigger: Every 6th hit against a hostile creature. The hits are not specific to a target, so after any 5 hits on any hostile creatures, the next hit on any hostile creature will trigger the effect.

Curse Effect: Instead of dealing damage the kama causes the creature to become invisible until the end of its next turn. If that creature attacks or casts a spell the invisibility ends.

3. Administrative Staff

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: Requires attunement to use the magic features. The item is a quarterstaff with a twist-off top. It emanates a faint aura of magic and any hits from the staff are considered magical bludgeoning damage. The twist-off top reveals a hidden compartment with a writing quill, some blank scrolls, and a small reservoir of ink. Once per day, the owner can cast “Unseen Servant” from the staff without paying material costs.

Curse Trigger: After "Unseen Servant" is cast and if it is not paid (until the payment is offered)

Curse Effect: The servant will perform its duties but instead of disappearing will demand a 15GP wage at the end of the hour. It cannot be dismissed once summoned. Not paying the servant will cause it to fly into a rage, increase its HP to 100 and its STR to 6. It will attempt to trash the area for the next hour, tearing up papers and throwing equipment and furniture around. If defeated, paid, dispelled or the second hour ends, it disappears. Every time it is summoned thereafter, it will demand payment upfront and simply rampage for an hour if denied. It cannot be dismissed.

4. Grapier

Curse Level: Minor

Item Description: Item is a +1, bright purple rapier.

Curse Trigger: On touch

Curse Effect: Everything being carried or worn by the victim turns bright purple. Each individual item can be returned to normal with a “remove curse” spell.

5. Halbread

Curse Level: Minor

Item Description: It’s a +3 Halberd, made entirely out of rock-hard bread.

Curse Trigger: On hit

Curse Effect: Each time the Halbread hits a creature, its wielder rolls 1d6. On a 1 or a 2, the Halbread suffers a permanent, cumulative -1 on its attack and damage bonus. When the Halbread's bonus reaches -2, it breaks. The pieces can be dunked in soup to become edible.

6. Pike Pike

Curse Level: Moderate/Strong

Item Description: A +2 or +3 pike with fish scales carved into the length of the pole and a fish tail at the non-pointy end.

Curse Trigger: When the holder scores a critical hit or a critical miss

Curse Effect: The Pike Pike switches between weapon mode and a giant flopping fish (a pike). In fish mode, the Pike Pike has an attack penalty equal to the inverse of its weapon form (i.e. if the weapon is +2, the fish is -2) due to it flopping around. The fish version also counts as an improvised weapon when making attack rolls and doesn’t die no matter how hard you smack things with it, but its damage die is only 1d8 bludgeoning. The fish will stop moving when sheathed and start again when unsheathed. If an effect strong enough to break magical items affects the fish, it returns to weapon form and then shatters.

7. Whip Slip

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: An oily-looking leather whip with barbs on the end. Counts as a magical weapon, has +1 to hit and +2 to damage.

Curse Trigger: On miss

Curse Effect: When the wielder of this weapon misses with an attack by 5 or more, one piece of armour they are wearing magically falls off onto the ground. If they are not wearing armour, a piece of clothing falls off instead. If they are naked, the whip flies out of their hand in a 15 ft arc, leaving a trail of oil of slipperiness behind it.

8. Grate Axe

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: A +1 or +2 sentient great axe forged from the soul of an ardent chef. Aside from its slicing blade, it has a series of serrated edges along the side of the head that can be used for grating vegetables and cheese.

Curse Trigger: If not used to prepare a meal at least once a day

Curse Effect: The axe expects to be used to prepare food at least once per day. If this quota is not met, the axe edge dulls, and its damage is halved and dealt as bludgeoning damage instead of slashing. Once used for cooking, the axe regains it sharpness and remains sharp for 24 hours.

9. Portsword

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: A +1 or +2 shortsword with elvish runes inscribed on the pommel.

Curse Trigger: While wielding or carrying the weapon

Curse Effect: The curse bearer cannot turn to the right. During combat, in order to face/move to the right, the curse bearer must spend 5ft of movement to turn left 3 times first.

10. Greatersword

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: A +2 greatsword with a golden handle and a silvered edge. It’s slightly bigger than a regular greatsword and requires at least 14 STR to handle without disadvantage.

Curse Trigger: When a creature with a larger weapon is encountered or a fancier weapon is found

Curse Effect: The sword grows in size to be slightly bigger than the creature’s weapon. If this creature is Large or larger in size, the sword grows too big to be wielded by a medium creature and the sword’s holder must drop it unless they have been Enlarged. If a fancier weapon is found, the Greatersword adds gemstones, gold filigree and shininess to itself to outshine it. This reduces the attack bonus to +0 until the shiny weapon is no longer in sight for at least 1 minute.

11. Brogun

Curse Level: Minor

Item Description: Requires attunement. This blowgun grants +2 to attack rolls and damage while the wielder is drunk. Anyone who attunes with the item instinctively knows this.

Curse Trigger: When drunk

Curse Effect: While drunk, the bearer of this item is compelled to make inappropriate comments at creatures that they are attracted to. If the creature has no interest in others, they instead brag about themselves to anyone who will listen.

12. Slimitar

Curse Level: Moderate

Item Description: A finely-made scimitar +1 with a surprisingly thin blade.

Curse Trigger: On pickup

Curse Effect: The item cannot be dropped without a “Remove Curse” spell being cast. While holding or carrying the scimitar, the wielder becomes terrifyingly thin – so thin that they count as a size smaller for the purposes of moving and grappling. Their skeletal appearance grants a +2 to intimidation and a -2 to persuasion.

13. Dad-ger (pronounced with a hard 'g')

Curse Level: Dadly (Thanks /u/Zanthr)

Item Description: Requires attunement. Item is a +1 or +2 sentient dagger which can speak any languages its wielder can speak.

Curse Trigger: On attunement

Curse Effect: The item cannot be unattuned once attuned, and if dropped reappears in its owner's inventory. If the wielder fails to take an action to tell a dad-joke or a lame pun before using the Dad-ger for the first time in combat, they receive a special penalty. The wielder instinctively knows this, but not what the penalty is.

Additionally, the following effects happen at random times:

  • It responds to any comments it hears with dad jokes where possible, e.g. “I’m cold.” “Hi, Cold, I’m Dad-ger.”
  • The Dad-ger plays pranks on its wielder, such as temporarily banishing their nose to the elemental plane of farts (“Got your nose!”), causing a DC 14 WIS save vs being convinced of a totally phony “fact” such as (“Eating bread crusts causes you to grow lots of eyebrow hair.” or “Ogres are just trolls who ate too much.”)
  • It takes figurative requests and statements literally
  • It uses “Detect Thoughts” to learn the wielders embarrassing past and tries to embarrass them in public by revealing these things at opportune moments

Special Penalty: The Dad-ger disapproves of their actions, yells “GO TO YOUR ROOM!”, casts “Banishment” on the wielder (CHA save DC 16) that lasts for 3 rounds and ends the user's turn.

14. Werehammer

Curse Level: Strong

Item Description: Requires attunement to be wielded. It is a dark blue steel +1 or +2 (DM choice) warhammer covered in dwarven runes. The hammer head has an inscription of a hammer overlaid on top of a moon

Curse Trigger: Once night falls on the night of a full moon

Curse Effect: The curse takes root immediately once the wielder has attuned to the weapon, and activates on the full moon, even if they are no longer in possession of the warhammer - so long as no other creature has attuned to it in the meantime. A creature attuned can only unattune if another creature attunes to it in their place, or if a “Remove Curse” spell is cast on the cursed creature within the first week after a full moon.

The cursed creature is overcome by the curse's magic and transforms into a Hammerbeast during the night of every full moon. Prior to transformation, The Werehammer will appear in the creature’s hands and then meld into their body when they transform. A Hammerbeast is a towering creature with steely blue skin and a gigantic claw hammer for a head. The head has its eyes on the sides, giving it 360-degree vision, and it is filled with an endless rage and desire to hammer everything into the ground. The bay of a Hammerbeast sounds like a giant saw cutting a length of wood, followed by the hammering of nails.

The Hammerbeast has the same level as the cursed character and the following stats:

HAMMERBEAST

Large Beast, unaligned

AC: 15 (Natural armour)

Proficiency Bonus: (Use character’s proficiency bonus)

Hit Points: Hit die is 1d20; roll for HP based on character’s level

Speed: 40ft walking, 30ft climbing

STRDEXCONINTWISCHA20(+5)16(+3)20(+5)8(-1)10(+0)8(-1)

Damage Immunities: Bludgeoning damage from non-magical, non-silvered weapons

Damage Resistances: Necrotic

Damage Vulnerabilities: Silvered weapons, Radiant

Condition Immunities: Charmed, Frightened, Stunned

Saving Throw Proficiencies: DEX, CON

Skill Proficiencies: Athletics, Acrobatics, Intimidation, Perception, Stealth

Senses: Darkvision 120ft, passive Perception 10 + proficiency bonus

Languages: Understands the original character’s languages but can’t speak

CR: Varies

TRAITS

Everything Looks Like A Nail: The Hammerbeast seeks to hammer into the ground all creatures of its size or smaller that it can see or hear, using its massive hammer head. It cannot be reasoned with and will not stop until they are all unconscious or dead.

Regeneration: The Hammerbeast regenerates 1d12+CON modifier HP per round unless it was hit with a silvered weapon or received radiant damage in the last round. If poisoned, the Hammerbeast automatically recovers from the poison at the end of its next turn.

360 Vision: The Hammerbeast can see 360 degrees around it and thus cannot be surprised in combat unless attacked by an invisible, hidden creature.

Sinks Like A Hammer: The Hammerbeast cannot swim and immediately sinks to the bottom if it falls into water.

Shapeshifted: When the Hammerbeast is reduced to 0HP, dies, or when dawn occurs, the Hammerbeast reverts to its original form with its original HP, but unconscious. It will awaken with a massive headache.

Wood You Stop That: If there are 5 or more hostile creatures in combat with the Hammerbeast, it gains the effect of the Haste spell without needing to concentrate.

ACTIONS

Multiattack - The Hammerbeast makes 3 attacks: two “claw” attacks and one “hammer” attack.

Claw: The Hammerbeast strikes with the back of its head. Melee Weapon Attack: 5 + <proficiency bonus> to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 2d12 + 5 piercing damage

Hammer: The Hammerbeast slams its hammer-like head down on its opponent. Melee Weapon Attack: 5 + <proficiency bonus> to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 1d10 +5 bludgeoning damage. The affected creature must make a DC 13+proficiency bonus STR save or be hammered into the ground. A creature which is hammered into the ground is considered prone and a creature must make a DC 12 STR save as an action to free it. Any creature can attempt this to free the trapped creature.

Sweeping Swipe (Recharge 4-5): Choose the hammer head or the claw to attack with. The Hammerbeast swings its head wildly around in a circle. All creatures within 5ft of the Hammerbeast must make a DC 13+<proficiency bonus> DEX save. Creatures which fail take either the Claw or the Hammer damage depending on which you chose and are knocked back up to 10 feet. On a successful save, creatures take half damage and are not moved.

BONUS ACTIONS

Nailed It: As a bonus action the Hammerbeast can declare one creature it can see and that it has hit with a “Hammer” attack this turn to be a “nail”. The Hammerbeast has advantage on all attacks and saving throws against this creature. This nail effect is automatically removed if a different creature is declared to be “the nail”.

REACTIONS

Planks For That (Recharge 2-3): Upon receiving damage, the Hammerbeast can use its reaction to gain 1d12 + 5 temporary HP as wooden planks spring up out of nowhere, forming makeshift armour to absorb blows.

Content info

Author:
u/whyismywatchstopped
First posted here: https://www.reddit.com/r/DnDBehindTheScreen/
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